001...GW on the Janice Springer Show!!!!
by druggedcat
Summary: the gundam wing cast are featured in a famous talk show!


# Druggedcat at your service! Today my friend and I have joined forces! She's not a cat person like me, but she's one hell of a friend! Please Welcome Kiynoshu! (That's pronounced key-no-shoe)

# Hiya peoples! In case you're wondering, I'm the one with the Italic writing. I'm going 2 be helping Druggedcat here write her story! Enjoy the show!

# 

# GW and The Janice Springer Show!!!!!

A large audience sits facing a stage. A voice-over begins to speak as the camera pans over the audience and then on the stage. 

VO: Is everybody ready? Its time for the Janice Springer show!!! 

The audience cheers and chants 'Janice, Janice, Janice!' A woman comes on stage, waving to the madly cheering audience. 

Janice: Hello and welcome to my show! I am Janice Springer. Today we have with us the cast of Gundam Wing! This show promises to be full of yaoi references and love triangles, so- 

Janice is cut of by the audience's cat-calls and whistles. She patiently waits for the noise to lower. 

Janice: As I was saying, if your offended by that kind of thing, don't read this. It's just a harmless parody, after all. Moving right along, let's bring out our first guest. He quiet, he has a bad temper, and he wears shorts that would cut off anyone's circulation. Please welcome... Heero Yuy! 

The audience cheers as Heero steps out and sits down on one of a row of chairs. 

Janice: Heero, welcome to my show! Would you like to tell us why you're here today? 

Heero: *glares at Janice* I'm here to kill her. 

Everyone in the studio sweatdrops. Janice laughs nervously. 

Janice: *wipes her forehead* Umm...Heero...Would you like to tell us who "she" is and why you want to kill her? 

Heero: *mumbles something about 'D@mn fanfic writers' and 'wouldn't be here except for the killing her part'* She is Relena Peacecraft. She stalks me everywhere, messing up a lot of my missions. On top of that, she has this hideous voice and an ugly face. 

audience 'ooohs' and someone is heard saying 'that's harsh...' 

Janice: *looks out at audience* What do you say, folks? Should we bring her out? 

The audience cheers 

Janice: Alright! Come on out, Relena! 

The audience cheers some more as Relena comes out.

Relena: Hi Janice, minna-sama! *waves and sits next to Heero, batting her eye-lashes* Hello, Heero. 

Heero: *glares the copy-righted Yuy-glare-of-death at the queen of the world, refusing to reply* 

Janice: Now, Relena. Do you know why you are here today? 

Relena: Well, I was kind of hoping that... *blushes and glances at Heero* Heero was going to confess his love.... 

Heero gags and stands, getting up and sitting down again several seats away from Relena. She smiles at him sweetly. 

Relena: He's so shy. *gushes* 

Janice: *sweatdrops* Well, Relena, that isn't exactly why you two are here today. Heero, would you care to tell her? 

Heero: *glares at Relena* Omae o korosu. 

Janice: And now for a commercial break! Be here when we come back with more of Relena and Heero, plus some one who is very...uh..._close_...to Heero! 

a brief clip of Relena crying and saying "You don't love me?" is shown, along with one of Relena attacking Duo 

note: put commercial here 

Janice: Welcome back, folks! When we left, Heero had just threatened to kill Relena. Now Relena, how does it feel to be dumped like this by the man of your dreams? 

Relena: *waves hand airily* He doesn't mean that. He says it to everyone. 

Janice: *walks into audience* We seem to have some one who wants to make a comment! *holds microphone out to a short teenage girl trying feverently to hide a pair of cat ears in her black cap* 

Druggedcat (a.k.a short teenage girl): Oh, face facts, Relena! Heero doesn't love you! After all, he's in love with-*voice is no longer audible as the microphone is pulled away* 

Janice: *glares meanifully at Druggedcat* Let's ask HEERO who he is in love with. 

Druggedcat: *glares back* You can't control me! You're just some character I invented for this fic! 

Janice: No, I'm a girl in your school who's name you thought sounded too much like a certain famous talk-show host! *heads back to stage, leaving the muttering author behind* Now, Heero, are you in love with anyone? 

Heero: ...yes.... 

Relena: See? Heero loves me! 

Heero: *glares at Relena* I do NOT love you. I do NOT even remotely like you!!!!! 

the audience 'uuuuuuuuuuuooooohhhhh's 

Relena: *starts to cry* You don't love me? But...but...you said you were in love!!!!! 

Janice: Should we bring out Heero's koi? *audience woops and catcalls* Then come on out, Duo Maxwell!! 

Duo appears, and the cheers increase. Duo catches sight of the Druggedcat in the audience and waves to her. She grins, and madly waves back at her counterpart. Duo sits next to Heero, who almost smiles. Whistles come from the audience. Relena's jaw hits the floor. 

Duo: *leers at Heero* Yo, Heero. *looks to Janice* Hey Janice. *notices Relena and nods in her direction* Ojo-san. 

Relena: *stares at Heero incredulously* Yo-you are in love with HIM?!?!?!?!?!? But..but..he's a... a guy! 

Heero: *eyes narrow* So? 

Relena: But... but... but... you're... ano... I'm...um...that is...boys can't...etto.... 

Duo: Ojo-san, you're stuttering. 

Relena: *turns to Duo with the promise of death in her eyes* This is all your fault, you *beeeeeeeep* of a *beeeep beeeeeeeeeep*!!!!!! 

Duo: *eyes widen in mock surprise* My, my, ojo-san. Such rude words coming from such a proper lady. 

Relena jumps Duo and the two wrestle across the stage, kicking and clawing and biting in-between shouts of 'Heero's mine!!' and 'You slut! Why would Heero want you?'. Security people finally pull them appart 

Janice: Its time for another commercial break. When we return, we'll see if Heero is the only one breaking hearts . 

clip of Hilde coming on is shown 

note: next commercial 

Janice: Annnnd, we're back! 

Audience claps and we can see Relena is secured in a strait-jacket, tied to a chair, and has a gag over her mouth. 

Heero: God!! At least now I don't need to hear her voice... 

Relena pouts. 

Duo: *whines* That nut is so damn annoying!!! She NEVER shut's up!! 

Heero: Neither do you. 

Duo: But...you don't mind me do you? *Bats eye-lashes at Heero.* She has that god awful voice that even jerked YOU back to consciousness! 

Relena (now officially pissed off) glares at Duo while struggling furiously in her binds. 

Janice: Well, Duo, how do you normally deal when Relena goes after Heero? 

Duo: *grinning* Well...I don't have to do much. She normally comes when she would have no chance of talking to him. Not that she doesn't try anyway, the baka. 

Duo sticks his tongue out at Relena. With that Relena gives up struggling and goes after Duo. 

Duo: What the---? 

Janice: Um...Relena, please, calm down. 

Relena hops across the stage, still in her chair. 

Janice: Ah, time for a break! 

The screen remains black for a little while before a commercial appears. Then, guards attempting to drag a crazed Relena off the stage are seen. Somehow, she manages to pull free of the chair. Duo is sitting on the floor, looking dazed. Heero... was Heero. 

Janice: Huh?...Oh!! Welcome back to the show!! Um, now that Relena has had to leave the show I think it's time to bring in our next guest. 

Duo's head snaps around in surprise. 

Duo: Next guest? 

Janice smiles. 

Janice: Yes!! The other source of problems in this *cough, cough* relationship. Hilde, come on out!! 

Hilde comes out smiling, rather clueless as to what's going on. The crowd cheers, as usual. 

Hilde: *Waves and turns to see Duo.* Hi Duo! 

She happily plops down next to Duo, who is looking a little pale.

Janice: Well, now. Hilde, how are you today? 

Hilde: Fine, thanks. Um...wasn't Relena-sama out here? 

Janice: *looking a little nervous* Well, yes, but...she had to be sedated. 

audience laughs at the sad plight of Relena-"sama" 

Hilde: *makes a weird face* Huh? Why? 

Janice: She was, um...beating on Duo. 

Hilde: *jumps to her feet* That hussy! I'll make her pay!! * starts to head off stage, but is stopped by Duo* 

Duo: Maa, maa, Hilde! It's nothin' I can't handle myself! 

Hilde: * swoons and giggles happily* Ha~ai, Duo! 

Janice: Duo, I think it's time you told Hilde why she's here. Don't you agree, audience? 

The audience cheers, and Heero shoots Duo a look that clearly says 'I-had-to-do-it-so-do-you' (Druggedcat: *sweatdrops* Only Heero could pull off that kind of glare...). Duo looks exceedingly nervous.** 

Duo: Hilde...there's something I have to tell you...about _"us"_... 

Hilde: *eyes shimmer* Yes, Duo? 

Duo: This is so hard to say, I don't know if... 

Hilde: Oh, Duo! This is a proposal, isn't it? 

everyone collectively sweatdrops (as if they weren't expecting this kind of reaction). 

Heero: Duo...tell her _now_. 

Duo: Hilde... I'm not here to propose to you. 

Hilde: *looks crestfallen for a second, then perks up* I understand, Duo, with the war and all... 

Duo: No,no! It isn't that! There's...there's someone else, Hilde. 

Hilde: *looks like she's about to cry* There is? Who? *her near-tears turn to anger* Who is she? I'll kill her! 

Duo: *sweatdrops* Not her, him. 

Hilde: *pauses while this new information sinks in, then turns to Heero* O-omae!! Omae o korosu!!! 

Heero: *glares at her* Watch whose line you're stepping on, you *beeeee-eeep*. 

Hilde: *turns an interesting shade of purple, then her shoulders slump in defeat* Du-duo? Do you really love him? 

Duo: *blushes* Hai. 

Hilde: *being very noble* Then I'll let you live together and I won't bother you... *Duo looks relieved* ...until you come to your senses and realize I'm better for you!!!! *she stalks off the stage*

Duo: Umm...ok... 

Janice: And now for a commercial break! When we come back, we'll be joined by two other gundam pilots, Quatre and Trowa, who appear to have relationship problems of their own!!!!! 

Audience cheers. A clip of a karaoke machine being wheeled out is shown (^^;;;;).

commercial will be put here when the scanner works...^^; 

Janice: Welcome back (again)!! It's time for us to bring out our next happy *glances at Heero and Duo* couple. Umm...right? Audience? 

audience cheers, albeit a little less enthusiastically than normal, deeply afraid of another Heero/Duo kind of thing 

Janice: Well, come on out, Quatre and Trowa!!!! 

Quatre and Trowa fans cheer loudly as their OOD (ObjectsOfDrool, not an insult) come out. Quatre smiles and waves, while Trowa simply nods to the audience, Janice, and the other two pilots. 

Quatre: *plopping down next to Duo* Hello Duo, Heero!! *smiles as Trowa sits next to him and takes his hand* 

Duo: Yo Quatre, Trowa. 

Janice: Well, what do you know? It looks like we have another audience question! *heads into audience in the direction of Druggedcat. Janice stops in front of a figure NEXT to Druggedcat and holds out the microphone to her.* Do you have a question? 

Kiynoshu: Yes. I have a question for Quatre and *looks at Trowa dreamily* Trowa...*sighs happily*. 

long pause 

Janice: Um, you had a question? 

Kiynoshu: *snaps out of it* Oh yeah! I was wondering what in the world could be wrong in your relationship. 

Janice: *heading back to the stage* Well? 

Quatre: *glances at Trowa, who gives his hand a reassuring squeeze (Kiynoshu: aren't they kawai?)* Nothing that I know of. Ne, Trowa? 

Trowa: ...*nods*. 

Janice: Well then, you obviously weren't expecting our next guest...come on out, Rashid!!!! 

Quatre's eyes widen. Duo turns to him. 

Duo: Don't worry, the authors like us too much for anything to go too wrong. 

In the audience the authors nod knowingly. Enter Rashid. The audience cheers. 

Rashid: *sitting next to and gazing adoringly at Quatre* Quatre-sama. *narrows his eyes at Trowa* Barton-san. 

Janice: Welcome, Rashid!! 

Quatre: Rashid... *He looks at him wide eyed with surprise.* Wha-what are you doing here? 

Janice: Rashid, would you like to tell him why you're here? 

Rashid looks at Quatre then glares at Trowa. Trowa glares back at him, making sure Quatre's hand never leaves his (Kiynoshu: I LOVE them!!!)(Druggedcat: *sigh* and I thought I was going overboard with drugs) 

Rashid: Well, it concerns Quatre-sama. 

Trowa: *Eyeing Rashid.* YOU stay away from MY Quatre!!! 

Audience 'ohhhs'. Rashid gives Trowa the evil eye while Quatre looks at Trowa in surprise at his OOC-ness. 

Quatre: Trowa..... 

Trowa: Quatre's mine! He will never be yours!! 

Rashid: Quatre deserves someone better than YOU!! 

Trowa: Nani!?!?!?! 

With that Trowa stood, pulling Quatre up with him. 

Trowa: Quatre is with ME!!! Not you!!! Get that through you head!!! 

Quatre: Trowa..... 

Janice: Now, now, let's calm down. 

Janice is ignored as Rashid stands to face Trowa, grabbing a mike and a near-by karaoke machine. He starts singing "The Boy is Mine" by Brandy and that other person (Kiynoshu: Whose name I can't remember right now)(Druggedcat: Monica?). EVERYONE in the room sweatdrops, with the exception of the authors, who simply high-five each other and laugh. 

Janice: Um.... 

Trowa begins to sing the other part of the song. Quatre drops to his seat in pure astonishment. 

Duo: Quatre, are they doin' what I think they're doin'? 

Quatre:.... 

Duo: Quatre, ne, Quatre!! 

Quatre: Huh? 

Duo: Daijoubu? 

Quatre: Un... 

Trowa and Rashid continue singing "The Boy is Mine" to a shocked Quatre and sweatdroping audience. 

Rashid: Not yours! 

Trowa: But mine! 

Rashid: NOT YOURS!!!!!! 

Trowa: BUT MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Everyone covers their ears from the sound the "duet" is making... a noise that shatters all the glass within the surrounding three miles. (Druggedcat: Sorry to bash on Trowa's singing. I know I don't appreciate it as I should. And Rashid...well, I don't think it is necessary for me to appreciate Rashid's singing skills. Really. Gomen, Rashid fans, if you exist and are reading this.) 

Rashid: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT YOOOOOOUUUUUUUUURS!!!!! 

Rashid promptly passes out through lack of air. Trowa smirks slightly and scoops Quatre into his arms. 

Trowa: *whispers* But mine... 

He then kisses Quatre, much to the delight of the shonen ai fans in the audience. Whistles echo throughout the studio. 

Trowa and Quatre break apart, and Quatre gazes up adoringly at Trowa. 

Quatre: *very flushed* Ai shiteru, Trowa. 

Trowa: *kisses Quatre's forehead* I love you, too, boku no tenshi. 

everyone in the audience 'awwwww's (Druggedcat: ain't nothin' like sap!! 'Cides, I wrote that to make up for that little insult to Trowa's singing ability. Quat- uh, Kiynoshu was slightly upset about that...)** 

while no one was watching, stage-crew enters and removes Rashid's prone form

Duo: Maa, Heero, how come we never get scenes like that? 

Heero: Because your self-proclaimed "counter-part" *points out into audience* isn't as good at getting her way as Quatre's counterpart. 

Duo: *pouts* I don't think so. I just think its 'cause you are unromantic, Heero. 

Heero: ...*shrugs and then ignores Duo*. 

Duo: Heee~eero!!! 

Janice: Join us next time on the Janice Springer show! We'll have yet another GW episode...featuring the last GW pilot...Chang Wufei! Plus the whole love triangle he's tangled up with!!! Join us then!!!! 


End file.
